every mile a memory..

its funny how one little thing can spark a memory that you will remember forever. i always say that i have a bad memory, and generally that's true. but i realized recently that every now and then..i remember the smallest things that i haven't thought of in years. in the times like that, i realize how thankful i am for the people that are in my life. people come and go, but the only ones that matter are the ones that are always there. no matter what. looking back on the past three years of high school, i've seen how i have learned from my experiences and i am so very thankful for them,because without the bad days i would never be able to have the good ones. and right now..is a good one. well actually more than just one day. i have the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. like, point blank. they (and my brother) are the only reason for me wanting to stick around here after high school. i never thought i could grow so close to people i hardly knew, and to people i already knew. my girls and the crew..i love you. those are hard words to say to anyone else, but to you..its just natural. i know now that i don't have to have inspiration to write all the time, because i want to be busy making memories, not trying to write them down. right now, i'm not going to worry about a thing. wanna know why? because God will take care of me. and when it comes down to going to Tampa or Raleigh, He will take care of that too. so i guess the summary of this post i guess is that you don't need to take life too seriously,live fast and live young, and most importantly learn from your past..but never live in it.

push ahead:

okay so i was literally just sitting on my bed when the though came to my mind about what inspires me most. i tried to think of specific people and honestly i couldn't think of one exact person that inspires me in every way. but then another thought came to mind. and it made perfect sense. little kids. now, i hope you aren't thinking i'm some kind of creep, but think about it. when you look into a child's eye, all you see is happy. the view the world the most simple of ways. good and bad. they see people for who they really are. heroes and villains. that's it. they have some of the most creative ideas, they have huge dreams, and most of all, no one can really change their mind. so, for those of you out there that think i'm crazy for wanting to be a little kid when i grow up..i don't so cray anymore do i? shouldn't everyone want to have huge dreams? shouldn't we all want to see people for who they really are? instead of being fooled, by facades. i think so. when i'm 35-40 years old i want to make sure that i still chase down whatever it is i'm dreaming of. settling down isn't for everyone. if there is one thing i've learned in the past few months, it's that i'm one of those people that will never "settle". i can't do it, and i won't. i want to love every day of my life. and well, right now, i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life. honestly though, i'm not supposed to. if i figure out my life at 17, how boring is that? why not take life day by day, and figure things out as i go? to me that sounds right. God, knows what i'm gonna do, and that's all that matters. he'll take me someplace, and wherever that is i'll go. so for right now, i'm not going to worry.

paint yourself a picture; something perfectly obscure <3 ATL

good & broken

...ya know that song lyric that says "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"? well maybe i'm not sick, but i am tired of just about everything. I have never in my life been so annoyed with so many people. like i dunno, i think school is just getting to me, because I am so over it. i am so done with being told i don't know what i'm doing. i'm pretty sure i heard you the first, second and third time you told me. no need to say it again. so just get me out of here. if this were last year i know exactly what i would've done...i can't do that now. i refuse to. but still the thought comes to mind every time things get rough. i feel as though too much is being handed to me. not in the sense that everything is easy, but in the sense of I have too much on plate. the only thing is though...what do i get rid of. i can't get rid of school and i can't get rid of my friends. so um anyone care to tell me what i am supposed to do? what i want to do is get in my car and drive fast & far. i've done it once, why can't i do it again? i hope this doesn't make me sound like some depressed whiny girl, because i'm really not. my life is 110% filled with joy because of the loving God that saved me. it's just...i have to break free. now more than ever i feel like a wild animal trapped in a cage. thankfully, i found a stress reliever. i paint. yeah yeah i know, it sounds a little off, but its true. for some reason it makes every day a little bit brighter. i'm not sure where this hobby will end up, but at least it takes my mind off of everything around me. perhaps its my way of reaching one paw of the cage, that one little bit of freedom that means the world to me. i guess if someone were to ask me now what i want to be when i grow up, i would answer: the wind.

Roll Tide, Roll

every now and then we have those people that enter our lives for a minute and leave us changed forever. every now and then we never forget them.
every now and then we admit we are wrong.
every now and then we learn from our mistakes the first time.
every now and then we give credit where it's due.

rarely do we fall in love.
rarely do we remember what it truly feels like.
rarely do we actually have the right answer.
rarely do we learn from the mistakes of others.
rarely do we know when to accept help.

we always have someone there for us.
we always remember being hurt.
we always give advice from our heart.
we always notice other's mistakes before our own.
we always need help.

August is Over

so this post was inspired by the song August is Over by We the Kings. i think the song is about how summer was great but there is much more to look forward to in the season to come. which i must say is very true. however, getting out of the summer state of mind is a very hard thing to do. the pool closes in a week and that is most of my summer memories. it's going to feel extremely weird not to have a bathing suit in my car all the time or be able to run around in cut offs and a tank top on the weekends. now don't get me wrong, i absolutely love the winter..i just don't take to change very well. well actually that is an understatement. and right about now it is not doing me any good whatsoever. with college apps, AP classes and a social life that is always on the forefront of my mind. it's hard to take sudden change well. recently i've been thinking a lot about the past. being a senior it's a pretty easy thing to do in the middle of class. i remember 7th grade..yeah that's a whole other post in itself. freshman year was the make or break point probably, then junior year well it was a whirlwind. i think back to all the people who were there. the ones who left my side when things were scary, when they got weak, or they were just bored. i also think of the ones who never left. yeah they are the ones i still care about. its hard to imagine that in one short year i will be in a totally different environment with completely new people. that probably scares me most. i'm used to my own little world that it's going to be wicked difficult when reality hits. i dunno, i just feel like everything is so different now and it's going to continue to be that way, that i really don't know how to take it. i miss the good ole days when i couldn't drive places and i was carefree because i had no stress or worries. i just miss it all. i know we aren't supposed to live in the past, and honestly that isn't what i want to do, it's just..i want to make sure i never forget it because it made me who i am now. i'm just....... confuesdlostannoyedwishingneedinglovingcaringbrokennotalonelovedcaredforneverforsakenHis. yeah God will always take care of me, and i couldn't be more excited about it and the future He holds for me. i may be a lot of things but one thing I will always be is a follower of Christ. and trust me, He works. i know from experience. that's for sure.

"..loves like a hurricane, I am a tree.."

okay so in case you live under a rock and have no idea what is going on..here's a hint: it starts with an e and ends with arthquake..got it? haha oh and we can't forget the Cat. 3 hurricane that is supposed to come this way. looks like we are going to need to brace ourselves. well maybe. i've learned that predicting the weather is more like predicting God. which in case you live under a big rock, you should know is impossible. however, it's my dream. well actually let me re-phrase that. my dream isn't to predict weather...it's to chase it. i might be one of the only teenagers in America that gets stoked on a day like today because there is nothing i love more than severe weather. it's crazy to think that people genuinely believe we have control of everything. take a look around my friend and you will see that we don't. i love storms for one reason. and that reason is because they are so much bigger and so much more powerful than any person here on earth. being unpredictable is a quality i absolutely love. which is why i have no doubt in my mind what my dreams are when it comes to weather. yeah yeah i know right about now i'm sounding like a nerd. but hey i am one. i dance in the rain, i watch storms from my front porch, and before i die i want to chase a tornado. i know i'm kinda weird. but i like to think of it as adventurous. one day when/if i grow up, the only thing i want to do is travel. and not like planned travel, the kind like "oh hey i'm gonna go to Florida for a month see ya. bye" maybe the A in my name stands for adventure. because there is nothing i love more than a good chase. contrary to what most people my age think though, we don't have our whole life ahead of us for one great adventure. last i checked, we aren't promised the next minute. so why put off for tomorrow what you could do today?...i'm not going to.

short & sweet

..now-a-days i am completely out of things to write about. like absolutely nothing comes to mind when i sit down to write. nothing pops into my head. no raw emotions in a notebook. zip. zero. nada. so here is my question.. do i wish for things to be tougher in life so that i have plenty to write about, so that i have more inspiration for everything i do? or do i wish for happy and memorable situations that give me absolutely nothing to write about, but give me memories that will last a lifetime? hmmm i have no idea. i've never been in this situation before. and honestly. it's a little bit scary.

take it easy, take it easyy

woah..so i got my schedule for senior year this morning and i have one thing to say about it. i.feel.old. like summer is almost over, i've taken two college tours and in 5 months i turn 18? i guess the saying is true. time really does fly when you're having a good time. well i guess if working outside in 100 degree weather is fun..

ya know i started this whole thing just to see if i could do it. if i could write something every month for the whole summer, kind document a day in the life of..well..me (:  i think i did a pretty okay job don't you?

summer much?

okay so i guess you could say i've been a little busy lately. from working almost everyday, to going to camp caswell last week, a We The Kings concert yesterday & white water rafting this weekend..i haven't had much time for writing. But i guess that's a good thing because i have had plenty of time to think about what i want to say. first things first: if you ever get a chance to go to a FREE concert with your best friend.. GO! second: sometimes things take a turn for the unexpected..which isn't always bad. third: july is an amazing month even though january is my favorite. fourth: in the past two day i have had the extreme urge to go to sarasota, fl. fifth: God is pretty awesome if you ask me.

in the past week i have learned that sometimes you push things to the back of your mind and forget about them (to the best of your ability) instead of facing the challenge head on. this is the downfall of a lot of people and i am proud to say that i am no longer one of them. i also learned that being happy is all that matters in life. i have an eternal joy that will never leave me, so why should i be picky or rude or mean? ..i shouldn't, so i won't. i have one month left of summer before senior year starts & that is a crazy thing to think about..but i am ready for the challenge that is before me. so far this summer has been pretty friggin awesome and i hope that the last full month is the exact same way.

'cause i'm never goin' down, I'm never givin' up, I'm never gonna leave, so put your hands up. -WTK <3

just a song that i really like..enjoy <3

sometimes all it takes

i've come to the realization that everyone makes mistakes in life. i seem to be one of those people that makes a lot of them. i don't regret anything i have ever done, because at one point in my life it was exactly what i wanted. just not anymore. so here's what i'm gonna do: i'm going to forget. no hard feelings. no grudges. but one of you i want to give a second chance to. one of you i want to forgive me & see where it goes. and one of you i barely know but want absolutely nothing to do with... you aren't mean or bad or anything it's just i don't want you in my life. so you aren't going to be.and to the one who always loves me, and cares for me. i'm sorry for everything.

"cause baby I'm a dreamer..."

so i guess when you dream that you are writing, it's time to wake up and start something new. so here goes:

   it's crazy to think that already it's July. hmm funny how time flies. it feels like just yesterday everything was going downhill extremely fast & now things probably couldn't get any better. ha last night i went out with one of my very best friends to go eat dinner and we ended up watching the AL fireworks. it just blows my mind that 6 months ago i didn't have a guy that would do that with me...now i have more than one. guess it's true what they say about for every valley there's a peak. hopefully this one will last awhile. july is going to be a crazy month. filled with beach trips, white water rafting..and *gulp* college visits. yeah, that's the scary part of this month. ever since i was 13 i remember saying that my only goal in life was to be 5 years old forever...i don't think that is coming true any time soon. so i figured i might as well start trying to grow up. and let me tell you.it.is.scary. setting up tours of colleges, and looking in to what you might want to do with the rest of your life really puts things into focus and shows that time really does fly when you're having fun. it feels like just yesterday that i lived in hope mills. that was 8 years ago. i mean even high school, i remember the first day of "the next 4 years of your life" and now in a little over a month i'm about to start my LAST YEAR? yeah that's insane if you ask me. even though come August i'm really going to have to buckle down and get focused, for right now..i'm not going to. i have until August 25 to live everyday like its the last day of summer. so here is to all the fights me and my friends haven't got in this summer, here's to all the new friends i get to spend it with, here is the sunburn i will get when i go to the beach on thursday, and here is to the one person who makes it all possible.

this is random..but it used to be one of my favorites for summertime:

i'm not a mind reader so tell me.

what were you thinking?
he isn't that great
i see right through him
can you?
oh yeah that's right
you
can't.
put a bone down your back & stand up for yourself
but clearly
you
won't.
it's a sad thing to see
you getting hurt
oh well
do you ever listen?
you
don't.
so see how it feels
i promise it's not good
but you'll see
just don't say
that
i
didn't
warn you

undecided.

alright look. what i am about to post, no one has ever seen. honestly i never planned to show anyone this because i truly hate for other people to see what i write. but i figure that if i am as strong as i claim to be, well, then, people should see. this isn't everything, but it's close enough. I wrote all of this the same day as my last post (june 8th) see if you can tell a difference between day & night.Moving forward can't be this hard <3

its summer and already things seem different. i wish i knew why. look, i'm sitting here on my bed, and for the first time in a long time i'm upset and i can't even cry? maybe i really haven't changed that much after all. then again maybe i have. i guess before i would cry over just about anything, and now i can't. i'm just not like all of my friends who wear their hearts on their sleeves. mine is so protected its like a civilian trying to get into Area 51. impossible to get in. after everything that has happened i guess in a way i'm living up the meaning of the name Alexandria: defender of mankind. lately i've been very protective of my friends...i guess after being hurt so bad i never want anyone to feel the same way. so i'll do whatever i can to protect them...everyone has to learn things on their own every now & then right? they can't always learn from the friend's mistakes. and.that.kills.me. because i never want to see my friends hurt. by anyone....its crazy how i knew all of this was going to come out. i felt it last night and knew the second i was alone everything that was built up in my heart would come out. & it sure did. I may never write novels, or stories, or even very good poetry, but one thing i can write is everything that comes from my heart....the difference between head and heart may only be two letters. but when it comes to deciding which one to follow. the difference is huge.

ode to the first night of summer

my official first night of summer was June 6th, and man was it a great start to a great summer. something about short dresses, warm skin, and best friends that just makes everything feel perfect. i have yet to tell you of my best friends so i guess now would be the perfect time. all in all they can be described in one word. amazing. yeah some of us may get annoying, or we might pick on each other, but i think that make us more like a little family (well actually a big one since there is what 9 of us?). we've got the kids who get picked on, but we love no matter what. we've got the occasionally annoying one, that everyone sometimes makes you wonder. we've got the ones who make fun of the other ones. the really really smart ones. and of course we've got the funny ones. i guess the craziest thing though isn't the fact that we have all the components of a family, but rather that we ARE the family. (well actually we're the crew. as we like to call ourselves). the fact that 9 people can be together and have a great time is pretty amazing. most of the time people hang out in a really small group, or a really large one. and ours falls right in the middle. which is perfectly okay with me. Monday night i realized just how much these new people mean to me. after everything that has happened, never in a million years would i have guessed that i would make this many new friends. i remember thinking to myself "the only thing new you'll get, is a different kind of heartache". thank God for being wrong. here is what i really got: a smile constantly on my face, loud music always playing, rowee, adam, seana, zach, alleigh (yeah there's two of us), kennie, and noellie. yeah i might have already had the last two as my best friends, but we've never done what we're doing now and well it makes thing a lot easier...and i guess happier too. i hope it doesn't seem like I'm bragging or anything, but i just really love the people I've got. and all of this made me realize how easily some people can come and go. and how it easy it is sometimes, to replace them. you might be able to go through life without a mom, dad, sibling, or boyfriend/girlfriend. but one thing that every person needs..is a friend. (or multiple). So here's to the summer that is before me, and not to past that is behind me. when it comes to this summer, and my friends....you'll be able to find me.

something like strength

so i bought this book yesterday at Barnes & Noble with all intentions of being slightly bored, but still getting to see pictures of massive waves and cute surfers. Boy was I wrong. To me the most important quality in a person is how strong they are (and i mean emotionally and mentally..not physically). The Wave is all about surfers and their photographers and sponsors and how they travel the world in search of the perfect wave. It focuses on Laird Hamilton. and from what I've learned so far. he.is.insane. he goes to find the needle in the haystack and ride one of the biggest waves in the ocean. while i don't know much about surfing one thing i do know is that it takes a lot of strength. and not just being strong enough to dive, get up, and carve out the face of the wave. These people have to be strong enough to face the ocean after it has ripped them to shreds. & to me...that's pretty amazing. i guess life is kind of like the ocean in the sense that sometimes a rogue wave comes out of nowhere and tries to knock us down. but the question is...will we get back up? i plan on it.

  i'll keep you posted on what goes on while I continue reading, but for now I'll leave you with this: "....two contrary emotions arose in me, fear and desire- fear of the threatening dark cavern, desire to see whether there were marvelous things in it." Leonardo da Vinci

when you want to sing out loud, but can't

so i bought this song on i-tunes a couple of weeks ago and i dunno something about it just made me fall in love. maybe because i've felt like this? or maybe because its real. the last thing a person wants to do is be apart from the one they love and this pretty much explains it all.

a day at work gets you....

a day at work my get you a lot of things. whether it be a certain amount of money, a stress headache or in my case A LOT of time to think. someimtes I think about the most random stuff in the world, like how many stars are in the sky, how many hours I spend in school, or how much longer until I get out of this place. Other times though my thoughts are a little more specific. Like why people act the way the do. Have you ever wondered why people act a certain way, or why they are the way they are? i sure do. it makes me wonder about all the people i walk past in school, all the friends I have now and all the ones I have lost. sometimes it takes time to realize that people will never change, that no matter how hard you try and how much effort you put in, people generally are constant. if they are a jerk now. they'll will be a jerk in the future. if they love you now.. oh wait that's one thing that can change. yeah you heard me. it seems to me that out of all the emotions a person can have this is the only one that changes like the wind. if a person loves you now, well they might not love you in the future, and they probably didn't love you in the past. this is not always true, but hey I'm only talking about my side of the story. its funny how people say you are huge part of their life, or how much you mean to them and then all of a sudden they just walk out of your life like nothing ever happened. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that maybe a few people know what I'm talking about..right? yeah thought so. it amazes me how out of all the poeple in the world, every person has "the one". you know, that one person you meet in life that is and always will be in your heart? maybe you just haven't found him/her yet, but you will. and when you do, promise me one thing. that every time you're at work you'll spend every second wishing you were with them, and when you are..never let them go.
peace & love

ay ell see