"life was just happening"

    "Cold, sunny, and bright. The day she realized she had fallen in love. As much as she didn't want it to happen, it did. Without a cloud in the sky and with out a doubt in her heart, she knew. She knew that from this day forward her heart no longer belonged to herself. After such a long fought battle against herself, she had finally won. She had finally become so immensely joyful that she didn't know what to do with herself. She had to say it. She had to say those three little words. That was it. Three words eight letters. And as simple as it may sound, that was the hardest phrase she has ever had to say. The fear of it not being said back nearly crushed her. After a perfect three months she knew she had to say it. She wanted so badly for everything to work this time. For everything to be perfect, just as she had imagined it to be.
     It was late afternoon. The golden sun beating down on their faces, the cold wind pulling them together. It was time. As she looked into those eyes that made her feel so safe and warm, she knew. She knew that if she didn't say those three little words right then and there everything would be different. And not in the way she hoped. So as they stood there in the late afternoon warmth, she tried to say it. She tried again and again and couldn't manage to get the words out. All she could muster up was the letter I. That was it. The fear she had at that exact moment was so much greater than any other time before. She had to hear those three words said back to her. So one last time as she went to open the car door to leave, she looked longingly into those beautiful eyes and knew. So on that last try, she finally got it right. I love you she said"

where the description came from.

if you ever wondered where the "elephant's child" thing came from, here ya go. I love this song.

each day

each day I wake up one day closer to my future. each day I wake up with a burning passion to do what I love. each day I wake up one day closer to where I'm going to be. So far, this school year has been incredible. I've done well in my classes, had fun with friends, met some new friends, and (my personal favorite) I have started planning my journey around the world. When I really sit down and think about it, aside from just daydreaming about the vibrant waters off Australia's coast, it kind of scares me. I mean I can barely handle a crowd of 35 people I know in one house, how am I supposed to handle a crowd of people whom I've never met. I don't really know how this next year is going to play out. What I do know is that I have nothing to worry about, I will be well taken care of. Its just crazy to think that in a year I'm either going to be in a different country, or preparing to go to one in the spring. I almost feel bad about it. Why, you might ask. Mostly because I never asked the people I care most about if I should go, or if they want me to, or if I can. I just said "oh hey guys I'm gonna go to another country for school for 4 months! kay great." Ya know what though, I think its about time I stop asking for permission or suggestions when it comes to chasing my dreams. Although I have come to accept the fact that I must go to school and that there is a reason for it, I refuse to accept the fact that I can't do what I love most. One day, whether I am 25 years old or I'm 65 years old, I will be doing whatever it is I love most. As cheesy as it may sound you have to start from the bottom in order to truly love what you do. I guess that is what happens today. After 5 years of a job that I really didn't enjoy, I am beginning something new. A new place, new people, and most importantly: something I love. Yes I may be standing behind a counter ringing up people's purchases, but you know what they will be buying? skis, jackets, snowboard, boots, goggles. Things I actually know a thing or two about. I will get to share my love for the great outdoors, and more importantly a ski slope, with every person who walks through that door. It may not sound like much, but to me it means everything because this opportunity makes me one day closer to living my dreams.

peace & love

another day, another..

rain drops fall from slate gray clouds to a red brick bottom.

wondering where life will take her, she wishes

she could ride a drop of rain.

to fly through the sky and see the view

is all she has ever wanted. 

as the 747 cuts across the blue sky above

she wonders where its heading.

to be on that plane, to be going somewhere new,

that is what he dreams of every night before bed.

her daydreams are better than her sleeping ones.

chasing the bird to the highest mountain peaks

and the lowest valleys, she longs for freedom.

freedom to do, freedom to go, freedom to be.

like the wind flows from any direction, 

she needs wind under her wings to set sail.

everything that drowns me makes me want to fly

A day at work gives me a lot of time to think. A lot of time to think about my friends, what I'm going to do at college in the fall, where I want to live, what job I want, how pretty the sky is, etc. As boring as my job my be at some points, I have found out a lot about myself these past 5 years as a lifeguard.

     I have come to realize that I am no longer content with living life in a little cage. When you grow up in a small town or city you tend to know half of the people you went to school with, everyone at your church or in your neighborhood, and even the cashiers at your grocery store. For some, that is the perfect life. Growing old in small suburbia with a family, a dog, and a great school district. They go on vacations in the summer and have a blast, but they all wish to come home and get back in their routine. See for me, that's where its all wrong. I have come to realize that none of that is something I desire. I watch these little families come to the pool everyday for the entire summer. Its cute to watch sometimes (when their children aren't screaming), but its just not something I see my doing. I think I would go crazy. I would hate to spend the rest of my life "settled down" when in reality I actually just settled. Now don't get me wrong here folks. I love my friends and family more than anyone could ever imagine, and I want nothing more than to spend time with them. However, I can't let anyone hold me back. If I let that happen, chances are I'll resent them when I'm older. I know it sounds stupid to say "all I want to do is travel" so that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I want to use everyday to its full potential. Yes, I would like to move out of NC as soon as possible. Yes, I want to go to a million and half places around the world. Yes, I want a real job that I can wake up every morning and love. My main thing is, I don't want to get stuck in the same old routine that some people around here get stuck in: drop the kids off at school, go to work, cook dinner, watch T.V. (repeat 5 days a week). How fun/enjoyable can that really be? Do they really wake up every morning and love what they are doing? Perhaps they do, I know God has a purpose for everyone and some people are just "family" people. There is nothing wrong with that. I think its great. I just don't believe its for me. I wake up every morning and say prayer thanking God for another day to be alive. I do my best to make every day a great one, and to be as happy and joyful as possible.

     I guess what I'm trying to say is, its hard to talk about the future with your friends when everything you want they don't. Its difficult when people say "Oh you'll change your mind" when you know for a fact that you won't. Its all okay though, God has me going somewhere and that's all I really need to know. The rest will work out on its own.

one day

She has been staring out her foggy window for months on end. She doesn't quite know what she is looking for, but she has come to realize that what she needs isn't coming.

     She can't help but wonder what else is out there. "How far should I go? How long should I stay?" are the two most prominent questions running through her head. Running. That's what she used to do. She used to hide from every problem she had. She used to be afraid, although she would never admit it. Now, she is fearless. Anything and everything that comes her way, she takes it head on. Well, except one. She has learned that sometimes you just have to suck it up. Ignore what you want to do and do what people want to see. However, as she is growing up and getting older, this task is becoming ever more difficult and stressful. You can only hold back the truth for so long, right?
     Slowly but surely she is beginning to feel like she doesn't belong. She feels as though every word from her mouth is rejected or ignored. "Four more years, four more years." those three words flash like a lighthouse beacon in her head every night before bed. That is her light at the end of the tunnel, at least so she thinks. She has changed so much over the past few years she worries if the same will happen again but for the worse. She never wants to lose her passion, her drive. One her many conclusions she has come to over the past year is that she will never let anyone take those two things from her.
     She isn't unhappy that's for sure. Her hope for the future makes her smile, makes her laugh and most importantly, lets her dream. She knows now just how blessed she really is. Even though some things she doesn't like very much, she has learned to appreciate them. People would kill for what she has, and that more than anything makes her thankful.
     Dreaming up adventures is what a day at work gets her. Imagining the beauty and wonder of unseen countries and cities. Basking in the sunshine a world away always eases her racing mind. She sees pictures of  people living her dream lifestyle. Freedom, best friends, and the whole world beneath their feet. That's all she wants. Hell, that's all she needs.

She knows what she needs. A push. A push out of her cage and onto the stage set before her. She can do it. She knows it. She is done staring out her window. It's time for her to be on the other side. 

reasons why

because I've never felt so free.
because you love it.
because its everything I've ever dreamed of.
because you're my best friend.
because I refuse to give up.
because I have no other choice.
because I really do love it.
because I can't write this one.
because I won't settle.
because my "green light" is and always has been to be happy and live life nothing short of wonderful.
because you will never know the first half of the sentence.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

dream: a : a strongly desired goal or purpose 
         b : a visionary creation of the imagination

Life in verbs

"There is no app for adventure. No downloads for living in the moment. There are no stop signs on the swells. No speed limit on the slopes. Just you in the moment. Some see the oceans and mountains as great divides. We see them as playgrounds. We're setting out on the adventure of our lives. Feeling totally free.We're on a journey for bigger waves, undiscovered hideaways, new friends and epic stories. Live your life in verbs. Dare yourself. Be yourself. Let your laughter be the soundtrack to your life. Catch a wave, catch a plane, catch a train, catch someone's eye and wink. Reconnect with old friends and connect with new ones. Tune in to your surroundings. Get more than just your feet wet and let loose! Make a memory. Join us...and sea for yourself. Let the sea set you free."

One

     okay, so this one goes out to all of you high school kids trying to figure out where to college, and for all of you college kids trying to figure what you're going to do for the rest of your life. 

if you're reading this..

    I just spent about 25 minutes re-reading some of my old posts. To be honest I had completely forgotten what I had written. Sometimes, its great to surprise yourself, at least I like it. I've spent the last two years documenting my life on a blog and I have enjoyed every second of it. I always tell myself that I'm shy and afraid for never letting people in my life, but I just realized that that couldn't be farther from the truth. I've let every single one of you in. You may not know all of stories and secrets, but you know most of the reasons behind them.
     Last night I was up thinking about the past six years in my youth group at church. I honestly cannot express in words how much fun I had during that time. Although the people who were a part of those memories are not part of my memories now, I will never forget them. TRUTH SM was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me and it all started with me going out on a limb. A sixth grader who went to Myrtle Beach without knowing a single person. I will never forget that, and sometimes I use to motivate myself. That if I could do it then, I can do it now. The memories from sixth through twelfth grade are ones I will always hold dear to my heart. So, I would like to say thank you to all of the people who were there for it. Every single one of you. 
     my advice to all of you: keep a sunshine state of mind. you'll know when you have it.



here's yet another song. I love it and I kind of forgot about it until I read the header on the front page haha. enjoy.

2013

I can't put what I want to say into words, so here are some songs to explain: