good & broken

...ya know that song lyric that says "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"? well maybe i'm not sick, but i am tired of just about everything. I have never in my life been so annoyed with so many people. like i dunno, i think school is just getting to me, because I am so over it. i am so done with being told i don't know what i'm doing. i'm pretty sure i heard you the first, second and third time you told me. no need to say it again. so just get me out of here. if this were last year i know exactly what i would've done...i can't do that now. i refuse to. but still the thought comes to mind every time things get rough. i feel as though too much is being handed to me. not in the sense that everything is easy, but in the sense of I have too much on plate. the only thing is though...what do i get rid of. i can't get rid of school and i can't get rid of my friends. so um anyone care to tell me what i am supposed to do? what i want to do is get in my car and drive fast & far. i've done it once, why can't i do it again? i hope this doesn't make me sound like some depressed whiny girl, because i'm really not. my life is 110% filled with joy because of the loving God that saved me. it's just...i have to break free. now more than ever i feel like a wild animal trapped in a cage. thankfully, i found a stress reliever. i paint. yeah yeah i know, it sounds a little off, but its true. for some reason it makes every day a little bit brighter. i'm not sure where this hobby will end up, but at least it takes my mind off of everything around me. perhaps its my way of reaching one paw of the cage, that one little bit of freedom that means the world to me. i guess if someone were to ask me now what i want to be when i grow up, i would answer: the wind.

Roll Tide, Roll

every now and then we have those people that enter our lives for a minute and leave us changed forever. every now and then we never forget them.
every now and then we admit we are wrong.
every now and then we learn from our mistakes the first time.
every now and then we give credit where it's due.

rarely do we fall in love.
rarely do we remember what it truly feels like.
rarely do we actually have the right answer.
rarely do we learn from the mistakes of others.
rarely do we know when to accept help.

we always have someone there for us.
we always remember being hurt.
we always give advice from our heart.
we always notice other's mistakes before our own.
we always need help.

August is Over

so this post was inspired by the song August is Over by We the Kings. i think the song is about how summer was great but there is much more to look forward to in the season to come. which i must say is very true. however, getting out of the summer state of mind is a very hard thing to do. the pool closes in a week and that is most of my summer memories. it's going to feel extremely weird not to have a bathing suit in my car all the time or be able to run around in cut offs and a tank top on the weekends. now don't get me wrong, i absolutely love the winter..i just don't take to change very well. well actually that is an understatement. and right about now it is not doing me any good whatsoever. with college apps, AP classes and a social life that is always on the forefront of my mind. it's hard to take sudden change well. recently i've been thinking a lot about the past. being a senior it's a pretty easy thing to do in the middle of class. i remember 7th grade..yeah that's a whole other post in itself. freshman year was the make or break point probably, then junior year well it was a whirlwind. i think back to all the people who were there. the ones who left my side when things were scary, when they got weak, or they were just bored. i also think of the ones who never left. yeah they are the ones i still care about. its hard to imagine that in one short year i will be in a totally different environment with completely new people. that probably scares me most. i'm used to my own little world that it's going to be wicked difficult when reality hits. i dunno, i just feel like everything is so different now and it's going to continue to be that way, that i really don't know how to take it. i miss the good ole days when i couldn't drive places and i was carefree because i had no stress or worries. i just miss it all. i know we aren't supposed to live in the past, and honestly that isn't what i want to do, it's just..i want to make sure i never forget it because it made me who i am now. i'm just....... confuesdlostannoyedwishingneedinglovingcaringbrokennotalonelovedcaredforneverforsakenHis. yeah God will always take care of me, and i couldn't be more excited about it and the future He holds for me. i may be a lot of things but one thing I will always be is a follower of Christ. and trust me, He works. i know from experience. that's for sure.