Precious Life

nothing is worse than being kicked while you're down. and for this town, that's all that seems to happen. I may not be a fan of little ole Clayton, but I must that the people here are of a rare breed. and that is nothing to be ashamed of. when a group of people, friends and enemies, lovers and fighters, can come together in a time of need, you know something magical has happened. although the reasons for coming together are far from happy and special, the people of this town know exactly what to do when things go wrong. people may look down upon those of us who live in the "Bible Belt", but let me tell you this: nothing has such a great and immense power as prayer does. and that's what Claytonians (?) do best. hugs and pats on the back may not bring a loved one back or heal them, but they do make things a little bit easier. I'm proud to say that I live in such a place as this. Where people forget about the past and come together to support each other in a time of need. and let's be honest, in a world like ours, that's exactly what people need. comfort and a lot of prayer. see, if you ask me I believe the God is trying to use this town. perhaps as an example to others. perhaps on how to show love to your neighbor or comfort those who mourn. I don't know, it's just a theory. you have to start somewhere right? I just think that everything happens for a reason, and it's perfectly fine if you don't believe that, all I'm saying is that there is always a purpose. All of these young people have died, and for what? ..think about it. if we all sit here and keep on living the way we all have been; being caught up in meaningless drama, or being jealous of what other people have; all the young people have died in vain. perhaps they are gone to show us something. to show us that we're missing it! missing all that we've been blessed with and given, when in reality we don't deserve any of it!so just take a second, minute, a day even to thank the Lord for what you have. go to the person who you haven't talked to in a while because of some dumb reason and tell them you're sorry, that you love them. thank your parents for all they've done for you. love your enemies. now is not the time to take anything for granted. I promise. the people of Clayton are a force to be reckoned with in today's world. There are wonderful angels looking down on this town, and there is a reason behind it. so just hold on students of Clayton, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. have some faith and trust in God for the next move.

Hebrews 1:11 :Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

starting of right

so because it is the first day of December I figured I would share with you all some of my favorite Christmas songs...enjoy

• little saint nick-beach boys
• wonderful Christmastime-Paul McCartney
• Christmas song- Alvin and the Chipmunks
• Where are you Christmas-Faith Hill
• Last Christmas-George Michael 

one about love

this one might get to you: so one thing that greatly bothers me in life is the fact that people believe love is confined to some sort of age bracket. like if you are younger than 25 you have no idea what love is and you shouldn't be allowed to have it, so lets save it for the people who do. well personally I think that nothing could be further from the truth. I believe that love is ageless. now don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying parents and adults should just let their kids do whatever they want with whoever they want for the sole reason that "they are in love", that's up to the adults to decide. what I'm saying is that adults, and even young people, should stop discrediting and rejecting people simply because they say they love someone. even if the person if the person is wrong, at least they will learn from it, and besides, having someone tell them they are wrong and stupid for saying they're "in love" or "I love so and so" isn't going to make it any better. so why do it? one point I guess I can make is this; for those who say love is for your elders, what do you say to the fact that I love my best friend? oh that's right, I know exactly what you say "it's different" "it's not the same" oh is that so? so you're telling me that being willing to do absolutely anything for a best friend or say, a boyfriend/girlfriend, is different? yeah I don't think so. in my book, love is love. whether its toward a best friend, family member, or the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, overall it's the same. it's not some feeling that you have every now and then, its something that shakes you to your core. its something that after a certain point is no longer felt, but projected. projected toward every person you meet, and everyone you see, simply because your life no longer matters, but instead someone else's matters more. every person shows their love differently so perhaps that's the reason why people think all love is different, but it's not. it's us, the people, who are different. and to me, that's how it should be. so don't call me crazy or naïve for believing that love is without boundaries, because I know someone who loved me with his entire heart before he even met me. but then again, people called Him crazy too. so go ahead and call me what you want. I'll still love you for it. 

Thankful

okay so if anyone reads what I post about this time every year, you would know that I always write about what I'm thankful for. usually it's some kind of a list comprised of funny things, memories and people. I try to make it different every year so that's what I'm going for this year too. 

• I'm thankful for all of the people in my past. whether you are still my friend or you aren't without every past experience and person, I would not be the person I am today
• I'm extremely thankful for my opportunity to go to college. Even though it wasn't something I was looking forward to, I am thankful to have the chance to go and I plan on making the most of it.
• I'm thankful for the strength I've been blessed with. Without it, I wouldn't have made it this far. 
• I'm thankful for my wonderful friends who despite all of my shortcomings and mistakes, still love me and will never let me go. 
• I'm thankful this past year. Some people say that high school should be the time of your life, others say college..well I'm only in to my first semester of college so I can't exactly say which is more true..but I can say the senior year was absolutely without a doubt undeniably incredible. end of story. 
• I'm thankful for the Crew, because we are our own little family.

This list may be short, but it's more like just things I have added to my eternal list of things I'm thankful for. For the past 4 years I have dramatically changed, allowing me the opportunity to look back and have plenty to write about. This blog may not be some award winning novel, but it is my life, well my life documented anyway, so I guess in a way I'm thankful for this. Everyone out there should find something they love to, something to make you feel free. In case you haven't learned anything today, I'll let you in on a secret: the things that make me feel free..this (obviously), painting, skiing, listening to music (especially Ben Howard), and looking at the sky. The last one does it for me most I think, nothing is better than gazing up at a sky filled with intensity, peace and even the most beautiful colors you have ever seen. So people, my message? get out there and appreciate all you have and don't forget to enjoy what you love the most. 

 

have the time of your life

you can't get dragged down. you can't tell yourself something negative over and over again. wanna know why? because life is going to get very boring..very fast. even if you don't like where you are, or what you're doing, find something positive in it. it's too easy to get caught up in what's going wrong than to realize what you really have. even if your situation sucks, I'm sure you have someone there who loves you. I know I do. as a matter of fact, I have three of my best friends there for me. and I'm pretty stupid sometimes, but right now, or at least lately, I've been very stupid. I've been focusing so much on what I don't like, that I haven't been able to appreciate the fact that I have my best friends there for me and that I always will. and I love them for that. even if I have know idea as to where I'll end up 10 years from now, I know that they will be right by side, just like they always have been. and for all of you out there in the same boat, let me give you a piece of advice: never take anything for granted. one day you'll look back on your favorite memories and hopefully realize that you have those same people there with you at that moment. I have made the mistake of ruining a friendship too many times, and I absolutely refuse to make that mistake again. so I guess that is my little rant for tonight. just promise me one thing folks, promise me that you'll have the time of your life. doing whatever it is you're doing. because honestly, nothing matters if you aren't happy. so forget about what isn't going right, and remember that there is someone out there who will always love you unconditionally. and that life is short, don't sweat the small stuff.

we're all about living life as happy as possible, so when you seem down, just to remember to smile kid. - Travis Clark, We The Kings

 

the story of a girl

She likes to sing loud                                                              
  & dance fast                                                                              
She lives through the windshield                                                
  not by her past                                                                          
Her life can be described                                                          
  as a hot mess                                                                            
She likes it when the wind                                                        
  ruffles up her dress                                                                    
her heart is like a fortress                                                        
  never falling down                                                                    
The only thing she wants                                                          
  is out of this town                                                                  
She never wants to be weak                                                    
  & never wants to be hurt                                                      
Some say she's cold                                                                
  but her heart is in the dirt                                                          
She's been stepped on                                                            
  too many times                                                                    
That's why her glass                                                              
  is always Corona with lime                                                  
Living life steady                                                                    
  living life slow
She's always been the girl
  to go with the flow
Long hair blowing
  & music that doesn't stop
She says her life
  will be over the top
(12.13.2010)

Scarred up knees
  and messy hair
break her heart?
  none would dare
Adventures and flying
  are her thing
windows down
  listen to her sing
Dancing in the rain
  like a little kid
She says she'll do it
  like her daddy did
Salt in her hair,
  then snow on her face
She won't rush life
  because it's no race
She won't give up
  she'll never stop
Because her life
  is over the top
(9.26.12)

perfect song. 

too ironic..

some people change for the good, some people change for the bad and some people change because they are told to. me, well I began to change for reasons unknown to me. and frankly, I don't like it. today was such a great day to be home. it reminded me of the beginning of senior year when it would be beautiful outside and I would come home and paint with the music loud and the windows open. it made me happy. just being in my space with my family, and no distractions. I also began to look at old pictures too, man was that funny. sometimes all a persons needs is to be reminded of who they were, and how much they loved it, to realize that change isn't always a good thing. so here's to the hippy that loves painting, sunshine,  and music, and who doesn't care what other people think and who loves to laugh. (not this annoying bitch who's been hanging around for sometime.) here's to the girl that loves to dance and sing and who was never angry. I don't know where she went, but I can guarantee you one thing. she is making a comeback. and this time. she is going to stick around.

because this has always been and will always be my favorite song.  

for you:

august 10, 2011.the memory that takes up my brain every second of the day. the day I started dating my best friend. Partly in thanks to Kenlie for causing our relationship.

top ten.

10. watching Finding Nemo

9.going to see the Lion King and trying to leave the house that night..

8.ditching our friends that one time

7.after the football game that same night, in the freezing cold Blazer

6.after school basically every day

5.going to the zoo

4.going to the aquarium

3.my birthday

2.senior prom

1.the day I told you I loved you

love always

-A

 p.s. you holding my hand every time we hung out over the summer was one of my favorites too

favorite memories

10.) riding around in 100 degree weather, in an old red Chevy, with my dad, brother and two neighbors looking for a storage rental place
9.) playing rock paper scissors anything with Aaron for 2 straight hours on our way back from a lighthouse tour and Charlotte
8.) the "party" that was at my house during the 7th grade
7.) whitewater rafting that next summer
6.)going skiing for the second time and accidentally going down a black diamond trail
5.)going to the fort we had in Riverwood with Aaron and the Lebo's
4.)graduation
3.)tie-dyeing shirts every summer
2.)junior prom
1.)going to Boston in the tenth grade

honorable mentions (in no order):
going "creeping" during the summer before junior year
January 19-20 2007
shopping with my mom all day at Concord Mills
Carowinds with crew after graduation
going to Florida for the first time
going down the slide in tubes at LG
Valentine's Day freshman year

here I am

this song is perfect.

a post with a different view

the view tonight was great. it consisted of a city skyline and the moon. all in one. I guess this is really the first night I realized that I am no longer looking at the moon through my own back window. I've got a different view on things now. and I'm not just talking about the sky. starting all over isn't as hard as I thought, I mean, I did it with my best friends, so honestly it's like the only thing that changed was my address. I don't regret coming here at all. I love it! I just hope, that well, there will be more. or maybe what I want is for me to be more. I want adventure, I want something to remember, I don't want to go through life doing whatever is easy or expected just because everyone else is. my problem though, is that I'm too afraid. I mean really, college is all about "finding yourself" and "branching out to meet new people" perhaps I do need to find myself..find the person that's really been there all along. someone who isn't afraid of the "dark", the unknown, and to put it in better terms: what's different. I'd much rather go through life doing something once and realizing I'm never going to do it again, than to never try. ya know? it's times like these that I would normally say I want to escape, but I don't. I want to stay right here. my own personal adventure land (if I may say so). filled with the opportunity to change a life, or keep it the same as it has always been. so the question for tonight is this: What are you going to do that you never thought you would? something life changing? something stupid? I'd hope not the latter, but to each his own I guess. as for me, I think I'll do something life changing, follow the path before me, even when it gets dark, because the person that put me here, will never leave me. He said so himself.

peace & love

rush

today is my final day at home before I move out and go off to college. needless to say it's a whirlwind of emotions. I'm excited to embark on a new adventure, but sad to leave such a great one behind. The people I've met over the past couple of years have been incredible, and I hope to meet many more like them in the future.

I put this song because it's about not living life confined by your fears, and considering the next 4 years of my life are going to extremely different from the last four, and probably a lot more scary, it's a good thing to keep in mind. 

far from over

     I move in to my dorm at NC State, in exactly 8 days. yeah, that's a scary thought. not only do I not have everything I need, I also HATE packing. like really? I'm supposed to pack up pretty much my whole life and just move it all in to some room that's half the size of mine..and share it! as you can see I'm not exactly thrilled.. however, I do look forward to starting this new book in my series called Life, with my incredible friends. it's funny how things work out sometimes, I never thought I would be sharing this experience with the people that are beside me now. I always thought I'd just be out there on my own and lost, now at least if I'm lost, I've got amazing people to be lost with. I've discovered a lot about myself and other people within the last 2 years, and it's been a pretty harsh rollercoaster at times. I have a feeling that my 4 years at State will be similar, but I am determined to make it a great ride.
   All in all this has been the perfect summer by spending most of my days with my best friends and at the pool (what a surprise). From trips to Carowinds, the beach, and plenty of runs to cookout I couldn't be more excited about what this next year has to offer. Although I am sad that two of my crew members will be leaving and in a different city/state, I know that true friends will always be there no matter the distance (even if one calls me names), and will be waiting for each other to cause more trouble. I hope to never forget my senior year at CHS, because honestly, it was blast. It was by far my favorite year of high school and I could easily re-live it over and over again. however, I can't do that and that's great too, because as I have learned these past couple of years, you can't live in the past.

Savages

scour

leave 

flee

run

it's what you do

it's who you are

spending your entire life running

looking over your shoulder

hoping

that no one will be there

you can't plan your next step

you just take it

as it comes

you only trust yourself

you can't be weak

like the others

you don't have those easy days

the dog days

are over

now you are one

you have to be

you made that choice

and there is no going back

ever. 

each new generation, is a fresh invasion of savages- Hervey Allen

in short: fight for what you want. accept where your choices take you and do your best to move past them, and for the times you can't, well don't give up. even when you collapse.

To the last day in June

facing fears:
you can't ever let your fears;
hold you back.
you must let the wind push you;
down the right track.
you can't waste your days;
wondering what could be.
but you can view the future;
like the open sea.
endless in all directions
changing in an instant
be sure not to blink;
because you might miss it.
so don't worry about what's coming;
just float with the sea
i promise your fears are weaker;
than what they may seem.
so always stand up;
and never back down.
the second you quit;
is the second you'll drown.
fight for what you want;
chase after your dreams.
this life that lies ahead;
is better than you can believe.

summer step: 2

now, let me just say that I was 100% right in regards to my last post. not 3 days later well, never mind. don't worry about it. anyways, I have been thinking a lot about college for the past week because I go to orientation next Wednesday and Thursday. I've spent a lot of contemplating what I want to do with the rest of my life, where I want to go, and who i want to spend my time with. but honestly, no matter how much i think about it and wish for it to happen, I just have to wait and see. take each thing that comes my way with a grain of salt and keep on going. speaking of wishes however, while sitting on the stand a couple days ago I overheard this conversation

little boy: *hiccups three times in a row

little girl: you hiccuped three times in a row! we get a wish!!

lb: okay awesome!

they both stood there a minute coming up with their wish and proceeded to jump into the pool, this is what they said when they came up.

lg: what was your wish?

lb:i can't say!

lg:my wish was to touch the bottom of the pool when i jumped it..i did it!!

all I can say is that conversation right there made my day, like how awesome would it be if the biggest thing in our life was to touch the bottom of the 5 foot deep pool? sometimes it's nice to think back on the days of being a child and all of the silly things you did, for me at least, it makes me appreciate who I am right now. although the little girl didn't dream big which I'm sure the boy did, she wished for something she knew she could make happen, and sometimes that's better than having huge expectations that you, or anyone else for that matter, won't be able to live up to. now, I'm not saying we should dream within limits, because that folks, is just plain boring, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't worry yourself over your dreams. you have to know what you want, work for it, and be open to whatever the outcome may be. knowing, that there is a reason for everything.

(has nothing to do with post, but I absolutely love this song)

 

 

 

 

 

it's going to be a hot one..

    well well ladies and gents, with the first weekend of the summer coming to a close, i have the impression that this summer is going to be a scorcher. with temperatures and tensions at an all time high, situations might hit record lows. 
    a day at work this season will get me a lot more than one did last year. since, i'll be at college in the fall i have much more to think about, much more to read & certainly much more to do before i'm lost to the masses at 4 year university. i plan on one thing this summer and that my friends, is to plan for nothing. yes you heard me correctly. plan.for.nothing. no longer will i spend my time planning out every step of the way, for now at least i will go day by day. going wherever the wind may take me.

    with that being said, here is a little food for thought for the summer:
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, and enkindles the great.
                                              -roger de rabutin

enjoy!

peace&love
ay.ell.see